I take my place at the till and you tell me how much you are looking forward to X Factor. The twins are very bad and you laugh when you see them. They are bad, you say, very bad. Their haircuts! Your name is Ivy. I hear about the judges, bad too, as I pack my shopping and then say I don’t own a television. This is important information for you. What do I do without it? Books, radio and cups of tea. You look at my organic oakcakes, frown, and then tell me I could still catch the show online.